May 12: Simon has a radical idea and Gerald lives

Beate

Hallo!

John

hello?

i thought we moved this to 12 Beate? lol

Beate

Did we? Didn’t simon say keep it at the same time?

Maybe we didn’t

Maybe I’ve just made myself a fresh cup of shipped-from-oslo coffee half an hour early

*30 minutes later*

Beate

Nå da?

John

YES! Simon is just wrapping up his show

But I think we can get started. he can take a breath and join us

Beate

yep, Jen has to leave in 30 so let’s get started 🙂

John

clicks record button. CLICK!

Good afternoon lobster friends

Beate

Can’t believe you still believe you have any say over when this thing starts recording

Jen

Hello hello!

John

Since I was hosting today – i thought i would pivot away from what everyone seems to be talking about ALL THE TIME

Beate

Norway Day on May 17th you mean?

Fiscal year end?

John

which is course is how miserable we are from COVID-19

Beate

The weather?

John

lol

Simon

So sorry!

Jen

Hey Simon! GREAT show today

I was sobbing listening to Nicki and her make a wish story!

John

No… I thought the 4 of us could pull out our crystal balls and talk about the one or two things we think will be the big changes that will come to our sector after this is over… we all have our corners of expertise… so

Beate? Simon? Jen?

Simon

Great idea

Jen

🔮

Beate

Hm. The one thing I think, which has nothing to do with my expertise or our sector, is that a lot more sectors will ask rather than sell

I think they find it works better

Like artists

Jen

Well said — ask rather than sell!

John

how do you mean Beate?

Beate

Now they’ve been forced to try it out and found that people respond better and generosity feels good

Jen

Reminds me of Amanda Palmer… #legend

Simon

From Twin Peaks?

Beate

I mean all those artists who have now had living room concerts streamed while asking people to donate if they wish, rather than sell tickets.

John

man… so i can donate $30 and watch coldplay play in their studio from the comfort of my counch – in HD and 7.1 sound? brilliant

Beate

Yeah!

And I can still take part even if I can’t afford that $30.

Simon

You’re not going to like my answer. I think it’s the beginning of the end for charity

Beate

ho?

no

how?

Simon

Just a total shift in how money works, how services are provided and how wealth is distrubuted

Simon

go on simon

Simon

I guess charities will exist…but to implement services paid for by state

Fundraising will die out because it’s a ridiculous concept

Beate

So basically becoming norwegian?

Jen

I was JUST about to say this.

Simon

More Norwegian than the Norwegians

John

OOF – read the fucking room simon.

Simon

Charity is beautiful. And giving is beautiful

But Americans raising money to pay for their healthcare is diabolical

Beate

Yeah, that’s true

John

Agreed

Beate

Charities shouldn’t be a part of basic infrastrucutre

or fundraising

Simon

The fact that pretty much any charity exists is a disgrace. And I dont think we’ll have the tolerance for this system after that

John

oh man

Jen

I think one of the major things being exposed is that billionaires are not going to save us. Big philanthropy is cancelled. Tax billionaires more instead

Beate

yeeees!!!

John

imagine

Beate

Trickle down is dead for good

should be, at least

Jen

I also recognize my epic privilege in this discussion given the family dynasty that I am part of.

John

so the world is going to turn into a socialist state?

Beate

Like I said on twitter when this whole thing started, I am so happy to pay my taxes right now.

Because it now pays for keeping about half a million jobs open for when we return to normal

Simon

Haha this billionaire stuff is such a joke

Like wow so generous

Motherfuckers there’s kids dying from no water

That was already happening

Chop chop

Jen

Imagine! Airline bailouts for Richard Branson. Amazon/Bezos asking employees to donate sick time… corruption through and through

Beate

THAT AMAZON THING HAS ME SO ENRAGED!!!

The fucking nerve!!

To ask NORMAL PEOPLE to donate towards your employees sick leave, when you can easily pay for it yourself and still have billions of dollars left?? The fucking nerve I say!!

💪💪💪

Simon

Totally! How can we go back to the way things were after this kind of stuff?

John

Imagine

Simon

Socialism maybe. Maybe try communism again. Maybe something new

One idea I have is that everyone can have anything they want. But they have to queue for it

Like you can have a 6 million dollar yacht but get on the waiting list

Beate

Hahaha

John

now that’s an interesting idea

Jen

All lottery system all the time…that’s actually how some of the best real estate in Toronto works

Simon

Lottery is a great idea

For food

Beate

Now we’re moving beyond Norway and into communism, just flagging it

Simon

“What’s for dinner tonight?”

“Fuck knows”

Jen

“get in line, kids”

Simon

Yeh Norway doesn’t go far enough for me

Beate

“I don’t know what’s for dinner, how long do you want to queue?”

Simon

Yeh exacltly! I can make you a peanut butter sandwich right now or pizza delivery in 8 hours

John

this is a brilliant idea

because

now it all becomes about time

not money

Simon

Exactly!

Beate

But time has no meaning any more

Simon

The true equaliser

Money is never an equaliser

But we’ll all die

John

🤯

Simon

Anyway I’m just thinking out loud. I’m tired

John

Ok

fuck

i was just going to talk about direct mail

Beate

Hahahah

We should have let you go first

John

no – im glad i didnt

this is way more interesting

Beate

Hopefully your tragically outdated system of paying with CHEQUES will die out

Simon

Haha

John

everyone has been saying direct mail is dead for 20 years now

i think

its safe to say an org that

doesnt close it’s dooors after this had better be reviewing their access to donor data and their online priocesses

ive heard

Beate

what do you mean?

access to donor data?

John

a stat that says potentially 75% of all resturants may be shuttered if this goes on much longer…. here in Canada

Beate

also your message structure is an absolute mess

Is it to avoid the appearance of slow typing?

reads like a fucking haiku

John

Sheesh

Jen

I would also think we will all be side-eying why we need to go and work in shitty old buildings under blinding fluorescent lights to do our jobs as fundraisers.

Simon

Yeh surely the office environment is clearly dated now

The perma-office, anyway

Beate

I can not WAIT to go back to an office, seriously, I miss it so much. People❤ Noise❤ Hugs❤

John

i mean – there are fundraisers at hoime right now who cant even access their donors data – not phone, not email not mail

so i was going to ask – can we imagine a scenerio where 75% of charities go under – out of business

Simon

I think we’re all going to know one or many charities that can’t survive this. It’s going to be really sad

Jen

Or merge

Simon

And scale back

Jen

I could see much more of a focus on collective impact…donors might not be loyal to charities as much as to causes… know what I mean?

Beate

Yeah, somehow I think replacing lost revenue in gift is going to be a harder sell than replacing lost revenue in sales

from a government, I mean.

Simon

Oof

Yeh

Jen

I also hope that what stays is vulnerability being a new currency in fundraising

has to be honest, authentic and come from a place of empathy and gratitude…

Beate

One good thing though:

It’s MUCH easier to remote work when everyone does it!

Though I don’t know if it will last when we’re back to most people being in the room again.

Jen

This is another whole rabbit hole here too. Who was never really in the room in the first place and how can we get them there? More women, more people of colour, more gender diverse folks…

Beate

Yeah, that’s true. And imagine all the participation from those who can’t leave their homes.

So many concerts, shows, stand-ups – all those things they can now enjoy

I hope we keep that

John

there are so many big ideas to unpack here

time and accessiblilty

not money and exclusivity

Jen

nice nutshell john!

Beate

so good

John

i know jen has to bounce shortly

and i need to eat betwen calls

and i know we could chat about this all day

i have a quick story and fact

to close us out for now

Simon

Yesssss

Jen

story time and fact time!

John

ok

and this is 100% true

here in waterdown where i live… outside of toronto… at our grocery store, we had a MONSTER lobster come in – to be sold…

he was over 8lbs

the folks at the grocery store named him Gerald

most of the lobsters are about 1.25lb or 1.5lb

Jen

Yes! I remember the Gerald!

Another legend!

John

a few people took notice and two camps/team emerged.

TEAM EAT and TEAM SAVE…(I was on team eat… obvi)

So TEAM SAVE crowd sourced enough money to buy him before TEAM EAT did and saved GERALD the lobster..

and drove him down the road to retire at the Ripley’s aquarium in TORONTO where he still lives today…

Jen

OH MAN I NEVER KNEW THE END OF THAT STORY!!!!!!

Beate

how much is 8 lbs? What approximately weighs the same? Just so I can imagine since us metrics don’t know what that means

Simon

What’s a lb?

Oh 3.6 kilo

That’s like 3.6 bags of kilo sugar

Beate

Ah, an average newborn!

John

yup

Beate

Wow, that is a giant fucking lobster

John

Here’s Gerald at the aquarium:

A very big lobster sits in an aquarium tank.

John

the whole story is here:

John

HE WAS A MONSTER

Beate

Don’t say that

poor gerald

John

he would have been fucking delicious

Beate

I wish there was some kind of size indicator in that photo

John

so there you go

thanks for this RAPID FIRE chat today… maybe we can unpack it a bit more next week

Beate

Norway is opening back up again now, I’ll let you know how life is on the outside🙌🏼

Simon

It feels like we’re all really busy despite lockdown!

Beate

Big hugs❤

(i miss hugs!)

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